I actually wanted to write about this some time ago, but never seem to have found time for it. And also because of the fact that I don’t really want to post too many emotional or private stuff here. This is just one of the rare ones :)
Now that I am seated comfortably in my room with nice music permeating the air, I can finally concentrate on stringing my thoughts into proper words. But then, I’m a lil tired so the words and context might be just a little bit jumbled up haha.
We all grew up to be the person we want to be today. But sometimes, in the process or even right now, we may wonder about our identities: why are we the person we are today, what are we doing here on earth, who we really are. Or maybe it’s just me. These questions constantly flood my mind, and most of the time I’d ignore them by doing or thinking about something else to distract myself. But we all know I can’t go on hiding forever…
When we were young, our objectives were pretty simple because it’s just school, play and homework, and what was for dinner. When we were asked what we wanted to be when we grow up, answers were direct and straightforward: nurse, doctor, engineer, etc. Studying for exams, participating in sports and extracurricular activities, finding new friends, forming acquaintances, falling in love, fights, tears and screams. We never thought of how complex life experiences can shape our decisions and identities much later.
Sometimes I question myself, what if I had taken the other path instead… how would my life turn out to be? It’s something that I would not know and would never know, and I can only imagine how it would be like. I do admit that I frequently wonder what would have happened if I continued on with my studies in Australia instead of returning back to Malaysia. And sometimes, reading through activities of friends in Australia triggered thoughts of a possibility of returning back. To a certain extent, I do regret my decisions but then, if I didn’t return I wouldn’t have met all the wonderful people who I have known today, or found priceless life experiences in these past four years. True, I wouldn’t have known what my life would be like if I were to remain there, either for better or for worse.
In the past four years, I have learned a lot in terms of work experience, learning the meaning of independence and the joy it brings when I’m finally earning and spending my own money, made new friends of which some remain closest to me even till today (you know who you are), having loads of crazy fun of which I’ll be sure to remember for the rest of my life. Did things that I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing ten years ago. Fell in love blindly and stupidly and then couldn’t get out of it until recently. Oh and gained weight… urrgh. But the bottomline is that I really did enjoy the past four years, and I am quite glad to say that I don’t really regret my decision afterall although sometimes, well, I do think about Australia.
There are times when it feels like as though dark shadows are reaching out to drag you into the darkness, or when the path you are treading upon seems to be filled with bleakness, or the light at the end of the tunnel starts to dim, it may seem like a very difficult journey to continue on. It may seem like it’s time to give up or lose faith. It does happen from time to time, but then, when you think about how lucky your life is compared to 80 percent or more of the world’s population, you’d want to be thankful for this life that you’re born into and fight on. Fight on for the love of yourself, your friends, family, the person you love, your own self-worth because all these, are worth fighting for. Not fight for money or power, but love. And when you think about love, it’s really the most beautiful thing that you can imagine. Love has the power to conquer the world, as cliche as it may sound, you know it’s true. No amount of wealth, status, power or whatever materialistic things in the world, can compare. Life is short so don’t forget to take every opportunity to be thankful for each living day, and demonstrate your love to the people you care about. It may be just as simple as a call to ask about a person, or a coffee chat or even a hug. All it matters is that love is the building block that completes the circle of life (and I have no idea what I’m saying, except that I’m making references to The Lion King because it’s nearly 2 a.m. and I’m really sleepy).